Drouin - the nicest little Victorian Town

B'H

Just back from Drouin where Nir had his first day at his new primary school. It is so nice and the people are nice. He has a great time and is looking forward to going back there for a day next week before we start in Term three.
There is one major problem though and that is accommodation. It has been harder to get than I thought it would be. Limited income and the fact that I have not had a steady job over the last few years has made getting a house or even a flat horrendous. Landlords prefer someone who had been steady employed for the last x amount of years and not a single parent with a primary aged school child. The count is four knock backs so far and I have two more applications in and two or three more to put in early next week. I am praying and hoping and praying.
Work appears to be much easier if the comments of the people I have put my CV in for CRT work is anything to go by. They want CRT's and I am going to take a load of email addies with a photocopy of my card and a covering letter to at least 22 primary schools in the area and four or five high schools. One of the joys of this area will be knowing that I only have to work three days a week or four to have a comfortable lifestyle and be able to save money.
On the way to Warragul I saw a new estate which was amazing and I thought longingly why aren't we getting a rural Jewish community in the Gippsland. I looked out over the new housing estate in East Drouin and imagined a Shule and a Mikveh and a kosher supermarket with a creche for the babies and a bus service into Beth Rivka and Yeshiva or even Yavene college from here.

This is a beautiful new estate on the east side of Drouin. I love the Gippsland and the people are civilised. They are nice friendly, civilised country folk who wish you a good morning and they are nice if you are nice and polite to them. It just amazes me how nice and civilised the people in country Victoria are. I have been in the city too long.
I looked at this site with the new houses going up and thought why on earth don't around forty families pack up and make a community here. It is one hour on the freeway from Melbourne. Why do people want to go and live in boganville places like Frankston. Here you can buy new houses for $259,000 and they are four bedrooms, two bathrooms and garages with a big back yard that is clean and clear air. There is a Coles and a Woolworths in Drouin and I am sure that if families came to Drouin that there would be an enterprising person who could make a kosher supermarket with meat and Halav Israel products and if it was a great problem someone can just buy a few goats on a few acres or also go to one of the dairy farms to watch the milk and we could start a new cottage industry with Drouin Kosher Milk and Cheeses. We could even have a Drouin Kosher Cafe. The shule would be up on the hill set amid the rolling hills of the Gippsland and not far from Mount Baw Baw. Please  G-D help people to see that the country is good and you do not have to be near the beach. There are rivers and mountains too.

Amalya's Cafe what do I like about this cafe and a short reference to last week's parsha Shelach

B'H
I have always loved Amalya's cafe because it has something that is hard to replicate. Atmosphere. It has  a very hamishe feel. It feels personal. I remember in another life, I was and am still a  real  coffee shop freak. I love good coffee and I love sitting in a coffee shop writing and watching people, eavesdropping on conversations and sometimes using funny turns of phrases  or incidences in short stories or poems. Yeah, beware being related to or friends with a person that writes anything. We weave a tapestry of life, events, experiences and characters together into some seamless beauty that may not be recognisable to the person on the outer but it is there. We cannot help it. It is a subconscious aspect that is often disconcerting and not intended in any way maliciously, but to enjoy the art of the story teller and the story is to delve into the mysteries and intricacies of the story and examine what a certain event meant to a person and to tease apart the emotions and the ideas behind events and to make sense of it.
Why write a story? There are many reasons to tell a story. Sometimes stories are painful to write because you give up a part of yourself to the story. I once read the story of a friend and teacher. It was about a child she had lost and buried.It was called The Coffin. It was one of the saddest stories I have read  and yet it was one of the most positive. Not all of us can lose a child and come away with a positive insight -albeit a painful insight through which you grow.  Many of us can or have lost a child or not, but we  all can identify the feeling of loss and what is gained from loss because with everything lost there is gain. When you fictionalise loss or gain you are able to add insights that may increase the awareness of a certain event in a person's life. You are able to open the doors of perception into a certain experience. A reader may feel differently to you about your topic, but he or she is able to gain insight in the experience of another or indeed examine their own experiences in a fresh light.
Personal growth comes only through painful experiences it has been my experience. Sometimes there is joyful growth, but on the whole, why do we grow more through painful experiences? Because through pain we see other people more clearly and we empathise. The more painful experiences we have the greater our capacity to have empathy unless we are frozen solid through grief. That also happens.
Some very good writers are extremely intuitive. They have a gift from early childhood and they continue to develop it through out their lives. Some come to write later in life. Elisabeth Jolley was one such person. Age and experience tempered the pace of her writing. Others are blessed with natural insights into the psyche of others and events that surround them. Others are creators of good stories that may not go into great detail and psychological analysis of characters but they can tell a good story. It is not an easy craft to attempt but a rewarding one on a personal level. There is a sense of excitement in starting a new story and a sense of satisfaction when you have finally finished the 100th draft of your story and you feel it has somehow clicked into place. That latter feeling is hard to come by. I personally tend to edit over much and miss some element needed in the story.
Anyway let's go to more spiritual pursuits, not that writing is not a spiritual process of discovery, it is very much so.
Last week's parsha on the meraglim - the spies to suss out the land of Eretz Israel teach us a lot about Shmirat Lashon. This was very relevant and I am posting it as a reminder to my self more than anything else.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aI0KQKN21iQ&feature=youtu.be
While Hashem did forgive the nation of Israel, they were to die in the desert and their descendants had to wander in the desert another forty years. That should tell us something. When we try to destroy someone with lashon hara it is actually ourselves we are destroying because we distance ourselves from the land of Israel and Hashem.
Here is another clip I found very interesting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2Hbw7FdxnU&feature=endscreen
Those of you who want an insight into the temple mount and its importance. Loved this. It was very calming listening to this series of shiurim.
A good week all of you. May we have the zehus to make the pilgrimage to a rebuilt holy temple and the cohenim will begin their avoda anew and the Levis also to make make the music even more holy to bring kedusha into this world.

The Interview and other mutterings of the day

Well our family was in bed by 8pm last night and I must have fallen asleep before and gotten a good seven hour sleep because now I am rested and raring to go. Going to Trafalgar and back for my 2 pm interview and doing other things yesterday really took the stuffing out of me. I must be getting old or just city soft and unfit. I remember years ago, going into Charleville for an interview in the morning at 10am and as it was 145 kms away from my father’s property I had to leave about 7.30 – 8  am and once the interview was over by   11am being back on the road again home in time for lunch at one pm and then going out with my father after lunch to do a bit of mustering sheep on the motor bikes till 4.30 – 5 pm and it did not phase me one bit.  I would stay up to read until 9 or 10 pm and then get up around 4.30 or 5 am when my father used to get up in the morning for his first tea of the day.

The interview – I did not get the job for the following reasons. Going back to Melbourne I reflected on why I did not get it. It is an interesting activity after an interview – reflection on what happened and how you can present yourself better to a panel of teachers interviewing you for a job.

1.       The interview was over way too quickly for me to be considered a serious candidate. I arrived early and they gave me a sheet with their questions on it and while I wrote down a few notes I did feel incredibly nervous going in there knowing I was going before a panel of three teachers – the principal, the deputy and probably the head of the HISE faculty  Amanda. I had understood on the phone that it was an interview and they did not tell me I would be going before a panel. The question sheet was filled in and II walked in at 2pm and was back on the road at 2.25pm. For me to be considered seriously I would need to have been there for half an hour.  At least.

2.       My experience in VCE history in teaching and knowledge is limited at present. I would have to do a lot of work and learn the text that I am teaching the night before and literally be learning with the students. Basically I have a sketchy idea of Russian History having done my own reading as well as the fact that I did revolutions for the twentieth century China and Japan and have done the English Revolution – Oliver Cromwell and his round heads lopping the head off poor old Charlie the I and of course the French Revolution where they chopped heads off and made it an art form – la Guillotine and the American Civil War which I consider on par with the French revolution and its impact on the world and thinking of the times and today.   Of course on a more general level there is the industrial revolution which changed society from an agrarian and rural based population to a urban population.

3.       I had the feeling that they already had someone for the job but also their body language at the end and the way the Principal did not meet my eye. I think they thought I was unsuitable or not what they were looking for, because she did make a comment at the end which told me that ‘ok, thanks for coming for the interview but no thanks.’ Politely of course and there was a lack of warmth at the end which chilled me out a bit.  Anyway it is all good for the experience and I will come better prepared to the next interview and do a bit more research on the school and also what is needed for the position. It all happened very quickly.  Too quickly for my liking. Anyway I do hope I can get some CRT work there and at other schools in the area and once they know me I can apply for contract or ongoing positions in the area. It is only 15 or 20 minutes from Drouin which is handy.

I am at the moment still smarting from the lack of communication with my ‘family’ in Qld. Their level of hatred is incredible. Also the phone call from my aunt in Sydney. I am sending back a book she sent me in 2010. Given that I am Jewish and she knows my feelings on some things, I thought the book she sent me called Mirror a picture book was highly insulting. It is Arabic propaganda and I am not going to say that exactly that but I am sending the book back to her with a polite letter along with some pictures of the Fogel family and other victims of terror. I think one of my cousins is involved with one of the Liberate Palestine movements in Sydney and of course I am on the side of the oppressors and that is part of their push to see me as ‘unhinged and mad’ because everyone knows the ‘poor’ Palestinians are a bunch of useless set upon rabbits carrying Kalashnikov rifles and wearing bomb belts and we are a bunch of people who just want our land back and to practise our religion in peace and build a good and honest society for the world.   I have the awful feeling that we are going to see such a rise in anti Semitism even in Australia and it chills me. As Jews we cannot depend on compassion from anyone except our own and even then we have to be very, very careful both in society and the work place. Even then there are some Jewish people who behave in a distinctly unJewish way. I have a computer file stuffed full of emails from someone who insists on battering me with these missives telling me what a degenerate person I am, immoral and totally unfit mother and deranged, accusing me of child abuse because I am taking my son to the country and telling me that I would prefer to hold my hands out and beg charity rather than get a job.  Obviously this person has no real knowledge of who I am as a person. I have never taken charity by choice. Just because I cannot go out and do manual work (which I have done in the past when I needed while applying for apporpriate employment - taxi driving, waitressing, survey assistant, cleaning, fruit picking and the list goes on) as I do have a bad back with ex rays to prove it and family obligations. This woman who shall remain nameless and if I was her, I would want to remain nameless because she is a total moron. The only thing she has going for her is money. It just shows how kind Hashem is. If people can't use their brains or do not have brains, G-D gives them money to protect themselves. She sends me obsessive emails which I now just file without reading them and I don't answer them because they are full of unsubstantiated crap about what a loser I am. Occasionally I will answer one if I am bored, but for the main part I am just going to ignore them.

And G-D while you are doling out the weekly share of money, I just want enough to pay my bills and rent and to look after my son's welfare well and his mental and physical health and to continue learning and to write my book on bullying finally. It has been a long time in the pipeline. Also I want health for my son and a peaceful life, please G-D give him good friends and also thank you for the opportunity to be bullied by above mentioned woman as it just gives me more information and grist for my novel on bullying and additional insights into the character of a bully. It was fascinating that I was accused of kicking a person who is down. Now, I am the single parent with no job and financially absolutely with my back to the wall and on the receiving end of all this abuse, yet I am accused of being the 'bully'. Interesting, I must say.

Judaism requires self control and subjugation of the animal soul. That is probably why we attract attacks from people who are controlled by the animal and instinctive side of their nature. They look at us Jews and say, ‘Oh Wow that is too much work. All that study and work on oneself. Let’s stick it to ‘em.’  We are a light unto the nations, but unfortunately a light that many who prefer the safety of darkness to cover their misdeeds try to snuff out. Islam is not the religion of peace. It is the religion of darkness and hatred. It was started by Ishmael who was put out of the tent by Sara who saw what he was doing to Itzchak. It is a religion of mockery that cannot stand to be mocked in turn. It is a religion of fear and that is why I feel pity for Muslims who are normal moderate, average every day people. When their religion spouts such hatred of Jews then surely some people will wake up to what they are about.

I cannot understand how people gravitate towards a religion like Islam that is so misogynist, misguided and malicious. The Prophet was an asshole by any normal standards - woman hating paedophile with a perchance for bloodshed, war and cruelty. A sick man and yet there is a religion in the world that has billions of followers which just goes to show that there is a streak of violence and competitive narcissism in every being. Their basic doctrines are essentially flawed.

However they do know, that when last Jew is killed the world will end as we know it and there will be no more compassion as the world will be given to a creed and lifestyle philosophy that is self destructive and violent. That is why the Islamic takeover of Europe and the middle east failed just over a thousand years ago. There was a violent revolt and the the Christians won because they proved themselves equal in cruelty to the Muslim Moors. In fact the crusaders of the early second CE millenium made the Islamic warriors appear civilised.  Of course there were other mitigating factors and that is over simplified but if you drag it down to the basics, there you have it. War is a nasty exercise and experience. No one benefits (except the arms dealers,  the hospitals and cemetries) and it appears that the human race still has not learnt their lesson.  W A R Worthless, Anger Revolting.

Went to a very interesting couple of Shiurim on last shabbat

B'H

Two young Israeli men spoke and both talks were good. It will be the one thing along with the davening at shule and also Rabbi Sprung's Shiur and Leor Broh's droshas I will miss on my shabbosim in the country until we can come in for a shabbes with friends in the city. It will mean that I will treasure each moment of the davening and the shiurim even more intensely.
However it says in the Talmud that one needs to be supporting one's family and if I can do so, it is my duty to do so and not just to take any only $12 an hour job doing simple work but to take work in the profession I am trained in and earn a good wage.
Anyway the topic of one of the talks was the importance of saying the after bracha called the Birchat Mazon which is a long prayer that we thank Hashem for the sustanance from which we have benefited. It was a practical shiur. No one had ever spelt out to me before the time we need to say this prayer is as long as we are still digesting the food. The young man talked about the miracle of food being translated into energy to do Hashem's will and it is quite amazing. I will say the birchat Mazon with new vigor and insight now. Here is today's halacha.

1) It is always proper to recite Birchas Hamazon loudly and clearly, as saying it loud ensures that all the words are recited properly and also brings about better Kavanah, concentration and understanding of the words being recited. (See Mishna Berura Siman 185 S"K 3)

Moreover, it is praiseworthy to always recite Birchas Hamazon from a Siddur or Birchon, and not recite it from memory. (See what the Mishna Berura Siman 185 S"K 1 quotes from the Sefer Hachinuch and the Sefer Chasidim)

2) This is especially important on Shabbos, Rosh Chodesh and other times when additions are added to the text that aren't recited on a regular basis (e.g. Retzei or Ya'aleh V'yavo) as saying it loudly and from within a Siddur will make it less likely to inadvertently omit the required additions of the day. (Mishna Berura Siman 185 S"K 3)

The talk plus today's halachot are to ensure that I say the after bracha and the birchat Mazon with renewed vigour.

Gems from Chassidius A great Story

B'H
I hate to plagiarise but I must tell this story. I have been reading Rabbi Avraham Twerski's not just stories along with a bit of Russian 19th Century and early twentieth History in case I have to teach it next term in the country.  I do like Twerski as he is good for the soul and quietens the mind along with a little meditation and Yoga practice.
This is a great story.  You have a chasid (follower) of the Rabbi of Tolna who is a lumber merchant. He makes a deal with a non Jewish guy to buy some of his forest for lumbering and it was a verbal contract. However when the price of lumber fell, the merchant wants to renegotiate the deal naturally enough. This non Jewish guy is very clever. As the civil court would rule in favour of the merchant he asks the chasid if they can go to his rabbi and get the dispute ruled by Jewish law.
The Rebbe listens to both sides and then rules in favour of the non Jewish poritz or fellow by saying that the Talmud pronounces a curse on those who renege on agreements.  this non Jewish fellow is really impressed and pleased with the decision of course, but he tells the Rebbe, 'In our courts, the process is much longer and if the litigant is displeased with the decision, he can take it to a court of appeal and then a higher court and so on. There are several levels of appeals available. What recourse to appeal does the merchant have if he so wishes to appeal?'
The Rebbe just smiles. Then he tells this story. Once there was a wolf that attacked a flock of sheep. The animals fled but the wolf pursued one and was just about to catch it in his mouth. He had it by the tail and it was nearly lunch time or dinner. Anyway it was going to be a good meal for the wolf. However out jumps this lion from a thicket of trees where he had been resting and grabs the sheep. The wolf is outraged. Afterall it was his sheep and he had caused it to leave the flock.
The lion disputes this as he says to him that he has just as much right to the sheep as neither the wolf nor the lion had paid for it. They agree to go to the fox who is the wisest and most canny of all animals. (Notice we do not say honest or law abiding here, but canny and wise. Wisdom can be used for incorrect purposes.)
The fox rules that the sheep must be divided equally between the wolf and the lion. He shechts the sheep and divides it in half. However he noted that one portion was slightly larger than the other and he decides to make it even by nibbling away at it a little.When he does that, he realises that he must have a nibble on the other side to even it up and so it goes on. The fox is a terrbly fair animal. He nibbes one side and then at another, and oh dear, he even notices an uneven edge here and then on the other side of mutton until, what pity, there is nothing but bones and skin left for the lion and th wolf to consume. '
The Rebbe then tells the poritz that the scenario he has just described is what happens in the civil law courts. The lawyers and barristers nibble away at each side with the disputed assets. When it finally reaches a decision, all that the litigants have left are the dry bare bones. He added that Jewish law may not have an appeals court but both litigants are likely to benefit from the judgements passed.
This story was first told in 1840 but it is apt in describing the legal system of today about which no one should be fooled that it is about justice,  but about lawyers and barristers being paid big bucks for mucking around and playing the legal system. There are probably some people out there on the side of justice, but sadly there are few and far between.

It's a Mad Mad World out there...

B'H
Just to inform  myself of the goings on in society I read some Age articles today. I wish I had not. This one is particularly worrying..
http://www.theage.com.au/national/mental-illness-check-for-toddlers-20120609-20398.html

My only comment is ' for G-D's sake let kids be kids and stop these hysterical psychiatric diagnoses.' The world is getting madder and madder by the moment or else there are a lot of people who have done psychiatry or psychology and they need employment, so what do you do? In good consumer language you create  market where there was none before.
The whole concept is Orwellian, totally, totally ridiculous. Do NOT tell me that you can predict a child's life from kindergarten. You cannot. a lot of things happen between the ages of 3 or 4 and 20 and even then you do not know.
We are trying so hard to control our environment and leaving so little to chance. Some people are missing the point. There is a G-D and watch out because He will have the last laugh. (or She)
A gut week all.

Never underestimate the place of Prayer in one’s life

We should never underestimate the power of prayer in one’s life. To be caught up in the muck of jealousies, pettiness and ego trips of those around us is only to be demeaned and demoralised.  There are people who will go out of their way to destroy and demoralise others; because that is the only way they can feel fulfilled in life.

We search for those who are our kindred spirits. People who love others for who they are. People who are not malicious and do not need to feel powerful at the expense of others. Just because you have a talent for something does not mean another person can not develop their talents but in a different way.  You need to build your fellow beings up, not bring them down.

I have attracted a lot of negativity in the last weeks since just before lag be omer. There is a lesson in it. Part of it may have to do with patience with others because in their short comings I may have insight into my short  comings. I had  woman who  acted in a mentally deranged manner  chasing me around a venue spewing forth rather vicious comments about my age and how I am deranged woman the age of a grand mother having a child and how disgusting I am. She followed me making circles with her hands indicating that I am a nut. She spoke to her son who is a bit older than my son making really disparging comments. All very upsetting and frankly I  do not need it.

I am on the brink of being homeless. We are being evicted on the 29^th July 2012. I have had people tell me it is my fault that I have not gotten a job or that I should stay in the city, it is simply a matter of time.  However  it is quite unreasonable to expect someone to stay in a place where rents are so high and chances of employment are very slim at the moment. At present I am looking for a house in the country near a small country school for my son. I believe it will be the best for both of us. Once we find the place it is necessary to find help financially to shift. At least there is much more chance of employment there in the area than where I am now.

We have spent nearly three years in a pokey, noisy, dusty flat and it has nearly driven me mad.

I have had people tell me in a  rather nasty  way that I should  see  a  doctor  because I seriously need help  and  that I have mental health issues that is why I am unemployed. These people are not psychiatrists but make their assessments based on I do not know what. I do not have a job and I need a job to support myself and my son. I do not need work in an accountant’s office or a bookshop or a stationary shop or to be a legal secretary (the last mentioned takes training, skills and experience that I do not have and have no interest in having). I want my employment in teaching or writing or editing or something creative that pays..

So for now I am praying and keeping out of the way of people who try to drag me down into the morass pit of their darker side. Prayer uplifts and heals. It takes you up away from the soul destroying pettiness of much that tries to catch us in this life and pull us down.

Gut Voch