The age of excuses

B”H

The Age of Excuses

We are living in an age of turmoil when we are making excuses for the bad behaviour of people when we should be asking, actually NO DEMANDING that they own responsibility for their actions. Leading on to that we should demand that they have remorse for hurting or injuring others, even if it was accidental or they plead immaturity. That latter excuse is only good up to a certain age.  Yes, I know the frontal lobe fully develops at 25 years of age, but we do understand the difference between right and wrong at an earlier age in many aspects of life and morality.

This responsibility for actions like the hurting of a child, an older person or another peer or parent or friend or sibling must be owned and accounted for by the perpetrator. The perpetrator must understand fully that what he or she did was wrong and they must have remorse and display an eagerness to make amends and to repair their ways and to somehow alleviate the hurt of the injured party in any way they can. You cannot pretend that something did not happen or sweep it under the carpet.

Then the onus is on the injured party to forgive and mend bridges and let the healing process begin. If the injured party does not forgive and then they are the party standing in the way of the teshuva of the perpetrator and or accomplices and their own healing as well as the healing process of the perpetrators. Unfortunately it is the injured party who had to stand tall and be better than the perpetrator. That aspect of a conflict or a matter where there is an injured party places heavy demands on the injured person but ultimately it is for the good of both parties. It becomes a process of rectification and it is an assurance that the behaviour will not be repeated or given the opportunity to be repeated because both parties will put in step processes to prevent any sort of harm to the vulnerable people who are the victims.  It can change the perpetrator for the better.

Sometimes there are perpetrators who commit offences like child abuse or molesting younger vulnerable people and they will begin a process of denial when their victims speak out. They are often very convincing because of the very nature of their crime, child abusers and molesters are very clever and very devious people. People will say, oh no, not him or not her. They are such nice people and so kind and so special and they do this and they do that. It is not surprising that someone like Jimmy Saville could get away with the horrific abuse of children from very disadvantaged backgrounds and some who were not so disadvantaged but totally taken in by the charisma and charm of the persona that he presented to the public which hid the depravity and the sickness of his true being.

A person cannot use immaturity, a poor childhood, or being abused himself or herself as an excuse to abuse and expect to get away with psychological murder. To do so, is to allow that this person is so immature and stunted intellectually and emotionally as to be almost impossible to have them contribute in a meaningful way to a healthy society. To allow them in a healthy society is like allowing a person with bubonic plague to walk around in our midst. Often the person who does what he or she does cannot control their most base instincts and this makes them a danger to children and families.

We seem to have blurred the lines between what is healthy and good behaviour to allow the worst people to travel in our midst and to allow them free rein in the hope that they will see the error of their ways. That maybe true with a small minority. However there are those people who seem to take licence in today’s permissive society to indulge in the worst excesses of modern licentiousness and depravity.

The permissive sentencing handed out to sex offenders who strike at the very heart of our society and who corrupt and spoil our children, the future of any community must be deplored. Children have been psychologically mutilated by these predators to grow into adults who emotional and psychological equilibrium has been damaged for many beyond repair and these people suffer until the day they die.

Yes, we can look away in shame and pretend it does not happen and blame the victims as often the Catholic church and the Anglican churches have done and probably will do again if they are allowed to get away with it. But the real cost to our society is becoming grievously apparent and we must make repair and ensure that sex offenders are not tolerated in any way and any sort of deviant behaviour in education faculties is eradicated.

Respect for others is the key and I believe too much emphasis is placed sex and sexuality in education and not enough on relationships and respect and indeed morality and ethics.

Therefore we tolerate and allow incidents that we should not. The sentence handed out to David Kramer is a disgrace and will allow this man the freedom to roam and choose more victims as he most invariably will. Those who have such unspeakable appetites for children are very rarely reformed totally.

It remains to be seen what the results will be of the trial of another individual. Who hurts more in these cases? The innocent family members of the perpetrators who have done nothing wrong except to be born into the same family or indeed to have had a child who would grow to do such things. One can only imagine their states of mind. Again, the perpetrator has no thought for his or her family. If he or she did, they would not have behaved in the manner they did. Unfortunately that is what a sex offender is. Someone who uses and abuses another person for his or her pleasure without a thought for the distress of the victim and no thought of the shame that he or she brings on his or her family. They are sex offenders because they have no shame and are totally selfish individuals. That is why they should be given the maximum sentence because they are unable to be contained safely in society around families.

Sentencing laws should reflect this aspect of repeat offenders and those likely to reoffend. We have had Jill Meahar’s murder and the murder of another woman in the past year by sex offenders on parole should be warning bells. The number of children abused by selfish and callous adults who think they can get away with it or receive very light sentencing has grown. We need to send a clear message that sex abuse and the molestation of children is abhorrent and not to be tolerated.  By the same token, preventative measures must be taken and if mothers and fathers are hyper vigilant on behalf of their kids and are out to protect and save their child from grief, better that than the other way. We must not neglect the needs of our children.