Saturday, June 9, 2012

Never underestimate the place of Prayer in one’s life


We should never underestimate the power of prayer in one’s life. To be caught up in the muck of jealousies, pettiness and ego trips of those around us is only to be demeaned and demoralised.  There are people who will go out of their way to destroy and demoralise others; because that is the only way they can feel fulfilled in life.

We search for those who are our kindred spirits. People who love others for who they are. People who are not malicious and do not need to feel powerful at the expense of others. Just because you have a talent for something does not mean another person can not develop their talents but in a different way.  You need to build your fellow beings up, not bring them down.

I have attracted a lot of negativity in the last weeks since just before lag be omer. There is a lesson in it. Part of it may have to do with patience with others because in their short comings I may have insight into my short  comings. I had  woman who  acted in a mentally deranged manner  chasing me around a venue spewing forth rather vicious comments about my age and how I am deranged woman the age of a grand mother having a child and how disgusting I am. She followed me making circles with her hands indicating that I am a nut. She spoke to her son who is a bit older than my son making really disparging comments. All very upsetting and frankly I  do not need it.

I am on the brink of being homeless. We are being evicted on the 29th July 2012. I have had people tell me it is my fault that I have not gotten a job or that I should stay in the city, it is simply a matter of time.  However  it is quite unreasonable to expect someone to stay in a place where rents are so high and chances of employment are very slim at the moment. At present I am looking for a house in the country near a small country school for my son. I believe it will be the best for both of us. Once we find the place it is necessary to find help financially to shift. At least there is much more chance of employment there in the area than where I am now.

We have spent nearly three years in a pokey, noisy, dusty flat and it has nearly driven me mad.

I have had people tell me in a  rather nasty  way that I should  see  a  doctor  because I seriously need help  and  that I have mental health issues that is why I am unemployed. These people are not psychiatrists but make their assessments based on I do not know what. I do not have a job and I need a job to support myself and my son. I do not need work in an accountant’s office or a bookshop or a stationary shop or to be a legal secretary (the last mentioned takes training, skills and experience that I do not have and have no interest in having). I want my employment in teaching or writing or editing or something creative that pays..

So for now I am praying and keeping out of the way of people who try to drag me down into the morass pit of their darker side. Prayer uplifts and heals. It takes you up away from the soul destroying pettiness of much that tries to catch us in this life and pull us down.

Gut Voch

16 comments:

Its a New Day said...

You would rather put your hand out for charity than get an honest job? Why? Because it is beneath you? You should be ashamed of yourself. Have you no pride? What are you teaching your son? Certainly not a work ethic. Why should anyone care if you are evicted if you refuse to hold your own weight in life? Your self pity is just wafting out of my computer screen and spreading an odious odor.Oh, poor thing, no one wants to help you, everyone is against you, and they are all messed up while you are so perfect, right? Oh, get over yourself.

Ilana Leeds said...

B'H
Well Well it's a new day aka Shoshana, I am looking for work that I am trained in capable of doing. Of course you with your pompous pathetic little rant shows just what sort of unhinged idiot you are. I am putting out cvs and looking for work. And Yes dear Mrs Know it all, I have no self pity. You who talk so defensively about DSC and rave on about protecting him from being raped in prison and gave me a lecture about how I should not judge another Jew. Well then don't you judge Manny Waks or his family. I can see two sides of the coin.
Yes I do want work and that is why I am moving to the country. I also want a safe protective environment for I put you on the same level with Mikeybear or Michael Barnett of Aleph. You talk to me about work ethic. You have had something like six jobs in the time I have known you. All because people get sick of your rants and your anonymous little attacks at me on my blog. Get a life, you low life. And you talk about me havin the hide to 'kick DSC' when he is down and out. You pathetic stupid woman. You have had a hubby to go and hold little Shoshie's hand when she gets a little scratch. To me, what you have done is filth. I have struggled by myself since the birth of my son and not one person in this community has seen me fall down in a heap and weep because I trust in Hashem you lowlife mouthy whore. That is all you are is a married whore
You called my life style immoral. Well you are the one that is an immoral nasty piece of work. The fact that you can say that I would rather put out my hand for charity means you know very little about me, Mrs Oh so cool NY. Maybe with your attitude you should swag up and head back to the big Apple and find some cave to smell your tuchhie like some old mangey cat. The fact is you moronic whey faced mioow I have had done more hard yakker in a year in my life than you have done in your whole life. What are you, but some spoilt little rich girl getting off on kicking the peasants in the face when they are down.
You get oover yourself and start trying to be a human being instead of defending kiddy fiddlers and slamming the victims families. You and MO would make a great pair of mates trouble is no one else wants to go near you for a miles be happy with selfish, smug brainless out look on life. At least I do work when I can get work and I will work. I would rather go to the country and have work, a peaceful life and have my son safe from perverts like your vile friend who rapes little boys.

The Repenting Jewess said...

These are false accusations. I did not make that comment on your blog. I never said any of those things you claim I said. Please remove this loshon hora. If you do not the you prove that you are the immoral one.

Ilana Leeds said...

B'H
Just how stupid do you think people are? You use fake names all the time. Anyway it is your style of writing and your ill informed rantting manner. I have one name and that is the one I use. No need to use aliases. I stand by what I do and say. I have far more courage than you will ever have now if you will excuse me, my son has bronchitis and he needs me. You don't need to take up my time. You need too find someone to talk to on a professional basis and vent your bile there.

The Repenting Jewess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Repenting Jewess said...

I am sorry you have so much hostility towards me and pray that Hashem give you peace of mind, nachas from your son, ample parnosa and gezunt. Your comments about me above are false except for when you say I am rich, as that is true, I am a rich girl, rich in blessings and spirituality.

Ilana Leeds said...

B'H
I feel nothing but pity for you. You have very little spirituality if you can say the things you have said about the Waks and the rather nasty things you have said about me holding my hand out for charity like some piece of drek in the gutter. I find you very negative and to defend a person who raped and took the innocence of so many sweet children. My heart bleeds that you are so cruel and so blind to the pain of others. I know the Waks personally and I will not stand by and see a good and decent family slandered and a perpetrator of crimes against children protected. I do not care whether he is your friend. I have known Manny Waks's parents since 1987 and I have the deepest respect for Chaya and Zephaniah. I will not see them slandered by you or by anyone and you can try along with others to pretend Manny is mad and his brothers are this or that. I will not listen to your vicious lies against this family. Let SDC have his day in court and he will go to prison for what he did to those kids. I care about the kids. they were babies preyed upon by a person who is an immoral degenerate. You spewed forth your filth at me, calling me a degenerate and immoral as you desparately sought for excuses to vomit your aggression and your problems on me, making up things as you went. I have more morality in my little fingernail than you have in your whole body. Spirituality - you have a long way to go Shoshanna. I stand my ground and if I am standing up for a child or a person who it is my duty to care for - woe betide the person who stands in my way because I will protect those in my care even if it means my life ... You have no idea what you are talking about. Better you shut up and get a good night's sleep. go study some Tanya or chumash. You need it. I feel unclean even having anything to do with you after what you ranted on about the Waks and how you tried to drag me down to your level.
I love my fellow Jews even if I get angry at them for something it is not a lasting grudge. You are quite unhinged.
I do not believe my Jewish practise is 'weird' and I believe from some of your posts you are very uncomfortable with your Jewish frumkit because how can you say Nir will be seen as weird because he is the only frum kid? I don't listen to you because I think you must think you are a member of an elite club of peopkle who have to stick together in their weirdness. I am who I am. I don't consider myself better or lessor than others. I consider myself equal. I do not care how much money or possessions you have or do not have. I respect learning and Torah scholars who honour their learning. There are learned who know little and there are ignorant people who have wisdom.
You are a narrow minded self centred person who treats others with disrespect. If I were mentally disabled or had mental health issues I would expect you, if you were a decent person to treat me with a bit of respect and compassion. You have shown your true colours to me and frankly I am choosy about who I befriend. I have to be. I am a mother and a teacher - an educator despite your ill informed rantings to the contrary and making up stories about me being paranoid. It is you and it always was you. I never said a word against you, yet you ranted on for pages about me speaking about you. That turned me right off.
Goodnight and if you take medication it is about time you went back on it. Don't take your crap out on me.

The Repenting Jewess said...

Stop your lies, rechilis, motzei shem ra, and loshon hora. It is unholy, dishonest, unrighteous, and cruel. May Hashem make your path easier and calmer for you and your lovely son. May Hashem grant you the ability to rationally discuss issues and accept differences of opinion without acrimony. May Hashem grant you a more positive and constructive outlook on life and help you to get rid of all that anger.May Hashem help you stop alienating the people who extend a hand to help you and to stop being self destructive.

Ilana Leeds said...

B'H
Self destructive. What a laugh! I have had more viciousness and self destructive negativity from you than anyone I know in this community. No wonder people do not like you. I have shown your posts to a psychologist and she has told me you are the one who needs help. Self destructive! what a load of crap. Your lies and your loshan hara are unbelievable. You think because I am poor financially and jobless and about to be homeless I have to take your crap. I do not. You think because I converted I have to be some nebech deadshit you can push around. You will find to your grave disappointment that I am not the least bit self destructive and I will tell you bitch better people than you have tried to suggest that a way out for me would be to do my son a favour having such an old hag of a mother that I should 'top myself or commit suicide for my son's sake.' I say the same thing I said to them, UP YOURS ! I have done nothing to be ashamed of. I did not choose to be a single mother and if you want to go on that how dare I marry a goy, well no decent Jewish guy is going to marry a convert so I was told and I wanted kids and to raise my kids as proper Jews and if that is my crime, there are a lot worst crimes. You are so stupid I really do pity you. Go and have a coffee with your pedophile mates and leave decent people alone. We are not all suicidal shmucks. do you really think we care that much about your opinion Shoshanna that we would go and commit suicide? I love life and my son and I have fought for him since the day he was born despite all the crap, Hashem has given me strength. Look in your own back yard for once and stop this pathetic trade of comments.

Ilana Leeds said...

B'H And Shoshanna what ever meds you are on, get back on them. You need them.

The Repenting Jewess said...

What are you talking about? I never said or implied or even thought any of those ugly things, not about you being a convert, a single mum, or any of the other outrageous canards you are writing here. I never use dirty hateful words against you like you have towards me nor have I ever written anything intended to assassinate your character as you are attempting to do to mine. And for what reason? Why are you so hate ridden an angry?

Ilana Leeds said...

B'H
shoshanna
I have emails from you which are derogatory to the extreme. Maybe you have forgotten you sent them. I certainly have not. If you had not have been a friend (so I thought) I would not have cared less. The fact that you attack people in such vitrolic and nasty fashion means I have to protect myself emotionally from people like you and your destructive energy. Hang out with your mates who rape little boys. I have no time for that sort of person. My life is about being a good person and I do not need your vicious energy pulling my life down into the gutter. You need to study far more chassidus and to really see people. You judge a person by their friends and frankly I do not want to be friend with someone who is so callous. I have far more sympathy for those that deserve it. Pedophiles, rapists and people who assault others or try to provoke attacks on others is just not my style. Have a good day and I do pray that you find some peace of mind. I have my study and my son and I am a good person despite Miriam Orwin calling me all sorts of things, despite your rants about me being deranged and unfit as a mother. You are full of feces. If I have to choose between you and a good book, I'll take the good book any day. One destroys the mind and the other builds and strengths the mind, especially if it is a chumash. You make me laugh. You are the same as that Christian Nun when I was 11 who tried to make me a Christian.
You forget, I BELIEVE in G-D really believe, and it is not just token either.

Its a New Day said...

I am not Shoshanna.

Ilana Leeds said...

B'H
Of course not. You just write like her. You use the same syntax and you are her identical twin. Both of you are mentaly deficient and have no concept of my situation or who I am as a person. You are insulting and moronically patronising to the extreme.
You think I am some grubby little single mother who is panting for sex with every available male, that I had my child out of wedlock and just dying to marry and have someone to support me RATHER than an educated woman who trusted and was taken for a ride by an unscruplous person whome she was married to and I have both marriage documents, divorce documents and a birth certificate for my son from when I gave birth to him and I have worked and will work in my profession. I have never sat on my hands. You are either Shoshanna or some stupid biddy married and supported by a husband so you can get on the internet and tell everyone else how to live a moral life and you have no insight into the lives of others because you are a narrow minded moralising idiot. I do not drink, take drugs, or indulge in other anti social activities, I lead an observant Jewish life as much as possible, being shomer mitzvot. I am not an idiotic hypocrite. I do not pretend to keep kosher than eat outside in 'vegetarian cafes' or even have coffee in one, I live my life with consistency. My biggest yetzer ra that I have to control is not answering idiots like yourself patiently and with tolerance.

The Repenting Jewess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Repenting Jewess said...

I am taking the Chassidish approach. Everything is hashgacha protis or by Divine Providence. If someone insults a person, or hurts a person in any way either through being mean or cruel or by spreading loshon hora about them, then the person being hurt should accept the hurt with joy and love because everything comes to a person from G-d. This hurt was meant to happen, and the person doing the hurting is only an agent chosen by G-d. This slight or insult or slander was meant to happen to me by G-d and Ilana just happened to be chosen to provide it. Therefore, not only do I accept it with joy but, I also take it as a sign from Heaven that these are some of aspects of my character that I need to refine and improve.