We should never underestimate the power of prayer in one’s life. To be caught up in the muck of jealousies, pettiness and ego trips of those around us is only to be demeaned and demoralised. There are people who will go out of their way to destroy and demoralise others; because that is the only way they can feel fulfilled in life.
We search for those who are our kindred spirits. People who love others for who they are. People who are not malicious and do not need to feel powerful at the expense of others. Just because you have a talent for something does not mean another person can not develop their talents but in a different way. You need to build your fellow beings up, not bring them down.
I have attracted a lot of negativity in the last weeks since just before lag be omer. There is a lesson in it. Part of it may have to do with patience with others because in their short comings I may have insight into my short comings. I had woman who acted in a mentally deranged manner chasing me around a venue spewing forth rather vicious comments about my age and how I am deranged woman the age of a grand mother having a child and how disgusting I am. She followed me making circles with her hands indicating that I am a nut. She spoke to her son who is a bit older than my son making really disparging comments. All very upsetting and frankly I do not need it.
I am on the brink of being homeless. We are being evicted on the 29th July 2012. I have had people tell me it is my fault that I have not gotten a job or that I should stay in the city, it is simply a matter of time. However it is quite unreasonable to expect someone to stay in a place where rents are so high and chances of employment are very slim at the moment. At present I am looking for a house in the country near a small country school for my son. I believe it will be the best for both of us. Once we find the place it is necessary to find help financially to shift. At least there is much more chance of employment there in the area than where I am now.
We have spent nearly three years in a pokey, noisy, dusty flat and it has nearly driven me mad.
I have had people tell me in a rather nasty way that I should see a doctor because I seriously need help and that I have mental health issues that is why I am unemployed. These people are not psychiatrists but make their assessments based on I do not know what. I do not have a job and I need a job to support myself and my son. I do not need work in an accountant’s office or a bookshop or a stationary shop or to be a legal secretary (the last mentioned takes training, skills and experience that I do not have and have no interest in having). I want my employment in teaching or writing or editing or something creative that pays..
So for now I am praying and keeping out of the way of people who try to drag me down into the morass pit of their darker side. Prayer uplifts and heals. It takes you up away from the soul destroying pettiness of much that tries to catch us in this life and pull us down.