Wednesday, August 29, 2012

David Whelan ---- No More Silence

This is just one of the most heart wrenching and gut churning books I have ever read. David Whelan is a scottish man who as a lad spent some time in foster homes and in the Quarrier children's cottages where he, along with other boys, was abused by a man called John Porteous.
This is his website

It is harrowing and I spent the night in tears reading this story of the molestation of a young vulnerable Scottish boy. Yes, there are some cruel and depraved people in this world and they prey on the young and innocent and rip into their bodies and minds to satisfy their own sick perverted tastes.
Rabbi Manis Freidman has a put out a video of a talk he did on this issue. When a child is damaged and hurt in the way that David Whelan was, no one can give them back what has been taken. The best that can be hoped for is comfort and healing through having supportive and nurturing people around them. Actually when anyone is forced into a sexual encounter or liaison with anyone who they do not go to freely and willingly, it damages the emotional and psychological responses of that person. Even as an adult victim of rape is damaged, how much more so a child who had no previous sexual encounters and their sexuality is forever marred. It taints their relationships with others and destroys a part of them that normal people have intact - their unwavering trust and love for another human being who respects them. An abused person has been treated with no respect for their inner feelings and for their personal space.
It was shocking to read but it is worthwhile to see how David rises about the sordidness of what was done to him and remakes himself. He has, I guess, the typical Scottish toughness and doughty personality that helps him be victorious. Success is the best form of revenge on those who abuse you.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Germaine Greer - A literary whore passé on QandA

I rarely watch TV and when I do, I try to watch something worthwhile and mentally stimulating. I actually do not own a TV, but the house we are staying in has one and sometimes my yetzer ra (evil impulse) gets the better of me and I sneak it on. I watched QandA last night and it is a good show usually with high class guests. Yesterday they had an incongruous mixture. The Panellists were Simon Callow - a British actor, writer and director, Sefi Atta - Nigerian novelist, Anthony Appia - a Ghanaian English writer and lecturer and Germaine Greer - tired literary hack with flapping lips and sagging hips who has not written anything of note since she wrote The Female Eunuch and a few papers and articles for magazines. She loves publicity and her nortorious attack on Steve Urwin just after he died, has remained imprinted on my memory as a bit of really bad taste writing and totally insensitive to his family to boot. She would never make a novelist because a novelist has to have some empathy for the characters  he or she writes about. Germaine, poor thing, has no empathy and her favourite phrase is 'I am appalled.......BLAH BLAH BLAH and the tirade goes on and she has developed into a 73 year old ranter par excellence. I want to give her a soap box and say to her,'Get out of the media spotlight love and go into a quiet corner of Hyde Park and talk to the plants, (they will probably die of toxic shock after a few hours) maybe Prince Charlie and Camellia will join you on the odd occaison when they want to communicate with a tired old feminist with saggy boobs and tired  tummy who ogles young boys.
Unfortunately Germaine has a vagina fixation. As a woman I was embarrassed for her last night. Does she understand how she comes across to an audience? Obviously not.As a white woman I sniggered in shame and embarrassment for several minutes at the look of shock that crossed Sefi Atta's face when Germaine grandly spouted off that 'African men have a preference for a dry tight vagina'.  Either Germaine has done some sort of survey (G-D knows how?!) about the preferences of African men's sexuality and she ignores the fact that there is more to a relationship than just sex. We are not animals but Germaine puts human sexuality down on the level of 'entertainment' and mechanics'. It is obvious that she has never really entered into a deep and meaningful relationship with a man. She is somehow emotionally stilted in that area. The ABC's host Tony Jones tried to save the moment with some factual details and tried gallantly to question this woman where she has gotten these facts. Trouble is Germaine presents her opinion as fact and this woman is so sure of herself that those who come up against her are intimidated by her ability to present herself as some sort of literary G-D of letters.
Germaine is an educated perverted old woman who should leave young boys and African women and their genitals (thank you Sefi for that sweet commonsense comment) alone. Let her go home and snuggle up with her vibrators and whatever else mechancial she interacts with and leave humans alone.
I have never liked Germaine and this QandA session left me feeling icky all over and real pity for her. I find it abominable that all her interactions between men and women boils down to sex and its mechanics. Yes, sex is a part of a male female relationship but there is so much more to a relationship and marriage. There is LOVE Germaine and TRUST, HONOUR and the RELATIONSHIP that is so much more than sex and sexuality. You can have a relationship that is meaningful and deep without sex. I am talking about a deeply impoverished woman who has never given birth, never had a child or never even cared for a child or another human being enough to commit deeply to them on a level that is beyond sexuality.
One good thing coming out of this is that I will read Sefi Atta's novels now. She came across as sensitive, perceptive and aware. She is down to earth and funny when she was allowed to get a word in when that silly old white literary whore allowed her to get a word in edgeways.
Loved the comment of the writer who said he was going to write 50 Shades of Gay as opposed to Grey. Hopefully it would be better written and more literary than 50 Shades of Grey.
Here is the link to the session on QandA.
Well worth the entertainment value.

Fifty Shades of Grey raises a 1000 red flags...

I have not posted for nearly ten days. A lifetime but I am dealing with a lot as the old year rolls out. I have people to forgive even if I feel it is not my fault, I need to make the attempt to heal the rift between people. It is important to mention that one does not ask forgiveness with the intent of rebuilding the old relationship but to repair and renew in order to come closer to the creator of us all.
If you were close friends you do not have to renew that relationship but to make it a new relationship which may be as acquaintances and not as close friends.  Be also aware that letters asking for healing from 'friends' who are secular may also be met with abuse and anger. That is ok if you can forgive their abuse and angry rants, you are a better person for it.
Now let's get down to the Fifty Shades of bull excreta...oh I am sorry, I did mean, Grey. From all I have read and bits I have sampled and it is really not much, because it is poor writing at its best if you know what I mean. If you understand that it's main audience are bored housewives whose sex lives must be quite (I am scratching my head to search for the appropriate term) mediocre to say the least, which in turn must reflect badly on their marital relationships overall, you realise the literary merit of what you are reading. Nil. Cheap smut to titillate the fancy of jaded and extremely tired women. They must be tired to overlook all the errors and frankly boring writing. Erica Jong did it before with Fear of Flying and even if she is not my taste, she did it better. She wrote soft core porn or erotica if you like that passes for literature for adults.
I am old school in my tastes. 
There is nothing like a good story well written and I will pass on the sex scenes thanks. I like to leave some things to the imagination and there is not to be said for the explicit and a lot to be said for a little bit of mystery and suspense. You understand much more about the writers's craft when you can show and suggest rather than spell everything out in detail. Detail is lovely and sometimes gives an undercurrent or subtext to heighten the readers' pleasure.
Fifty shades of BS and smut, naah! Give me fifty shades of the rainbow, dancing romance and a good story. E. L. James can keep her smutty story of an abnormal and abusive relationship. I want stories about people who achieve great things despite the challenges that Hashem has put before them. People who are ordinary in many senses and who raise families despite having a child with challenges or having their challenges to face like disease or the death of a child or sibling - you know I want to know how they dealt with their challenges and what it taught them about life. 
I do not want to belong to the voyeur club that wants to get inside people's bedrooms. Thanks, but NO, no thanks.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

The Maccabiah Games 2013

The Maccabiah Games 2013
August 16, 2012
Nurit Greenger
Building Jewish pride through sports...from the London Olympics to the Jerusalem international Jewish athletic event.
Since 1932, every four years, on an uneven number year, one year after the Olympic Games take place, the Maccabiah Games are held in Israel under the auspices of the Maccabi World Union.
80 Years of the Maccabiah: 80 Years of the Maccabiah
In 2013, from July 17th to July 30th, approximately 9000 athletes' delegations from 70 countries will partake in the 19th Maccabiah Games. The opening ceremony will take place in Teddy Stadium in Jerusalem (

Teddy_Stadium). The closing ceremony will be held in Haifa's brand new stadium, under construction as of this writing, under the auspices of the IDF.
The name Maccabi stands for 'Mee Ca'mocha Ba'elim Adonai', meaning, Who is like G-d among the Gods. מי כמוך באלים יהוה-מכבי. The name also comes from the Maccabees heroes of the Jewish rebel army that took control of Judea which had been a client state of the Seleucid Empire. The Maccabis founded the Hashmonean Dynasty, which ruled the land of Israel from 164 BCE to 63 BCE, reasserting the Jewish religion, expanding the boundaries of the Land of Israel and reducing the influence of Hellenism and Hellenistic Judaism.

The International Maccabi Organization was established in 1895. Today, there are 500 Maccabi Clubs worldwide and approximately 450,000 members.

In 1984, the Olympic Games, in their then model were failing. Peter Ueberroth who served as the sixth Commissioner of Major League Baseball from 1984 to 1989 changed the games' model that took place in Los Angeles California in 1984. Mr. Ueberroth made the game profitable. After the successful games in Los Angeles, the USA Olympic Committee had in its kitty $300 Million dollars in profit, that after all expenses paid. And that is the goal of the Maccabiah Games; to make them not only the largest gathering of Jewish people in Israel but also make them profitable. Today they are not.

This past Wednesday, August 15, 2012, in the tastefully furnished Beverley hills home of Laura and Sam Goldfeder, a group of sports' enthusiasts gathered to learn about the upcoming Maccabiah Games and what can be done to help the 2013 19th Maccabiah Games to be even more successful than the previous one in 2009.

The first speaker Steve Soboroff, Chairman of the 19th Maccabiah Games spoke passionately not only about the present efforts to make the games go from strength to strength, but about building the future generation of the Maccabiah Games leadership.

The next speaker was Eyal Tiberger, the Executive Director of Maccabi World Union in Israel. Mr. Tiberger and his wife Eti are on a USA tour to amass support for the upcoming games. How can we not give our unconditional support to an organization whose main goal is to assist 9000 Jewish athletes, able and disabled, to travel to Israel, some for the first time, to experience being there in their Jewish Homeland and to take part in the 19th Maccabiah Games?

The games will be covered by Jewish Life Television-JLTV, headed by President/CEO Phil Blazer, assisted by Eran Shargal, Director of Development (, both of whom were present at the meeting. The 2013 Maccabiah Games will be available for viewing in 50 Million households in America. Advertisers for a spot-ad, sponsors and naming rights are most welcome. For assistance with travel and accommodation, there is Gil Tours Travel, Inc., in Philadelphia. Igal Hami, President/CEO, who attended the meeting, who has taken upon himself to make sure that everyone who wants to be in Israel for the games will be able to be there and well looked after. ( - 800-223-3855).

Among the guests were medal holders of yesteryears in water polo and wrestling. Among them, Eli Marmur, who participated in the 1973 games as a member of the soccer team USA and was indicted to the Maccabi Hall of Fame as well as the Maccabi Southern California Hall of Fame.

The Maccabiah Games, the third largest international sporting event in the world, offers 46 different competitive sports in the following age categories: 14 yr old-to-18 yr old, Junior Games; 18 yr old-to-35 yr old Open Maccabiah, and from 35 yr old Master Games.

To raise awareness and encourage participation, representatives of the Maccabi World Union travel the world to meet and select athletes. Countries that cannot afford sending a worthy delegation or single athletes – some are 'lost countries' – will get financial help to achieve the desired goal. It costs $5,000 to sponsor an athlete and the organization is seeking sponsorships' contributions.

As an indication of the true meaning of the Maccabiah Games, one can dare call the Jewish Olympics, this story is appropriate.  After the terror attack on the Chabad center in Mumbai, India, in 2008, the Maccabi World Union took upon itself to bring athletes from India to the 2009 games and thus make a statement of 'we will arise stronger'. A Cricket team was assembled and it was brought to Israel to compete. They ended up winning the silver medal in their sport.

The Maccabiah Games are a sports competition event, but it is also a vehicle to bring the Jewish world to Israel, which, in return, gives birth to the best ambassadors for Israel and encourages Aliyah, the Hebrew word for immigration to Israel. The Maccabiah Games is the Taglit-Birthrights Israel – the Zionism of the 21st Century through sports. The Maccabiah Games is the trigger to Jewish life, before and after.

For more information please contact your local Maccabi Club through: and if in the USA,

Come and join the 9000 athletes of the Maccabiah Games 2013 and sing the Jewish national anthem Hatikvah in one of the 70 Hebrew accents.

Are you already excited about the upcoming Maccabiah Games? I for one am! You can either lend a helping hand and/or participate. Your choice. Athletes, athletes' families and supporters, sports' fans and simply supporters of Israel, see you in Israel in July 2013.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Doings of the day

It is interesting to live in two places but I am hoping and praying to Hashem that my son and I have a suitable home to live in before Rosh Hashanna. The couple we are house sitting for return in about three weeks and I do not want end up back in lovely, but dusty noisy Melbourne. That would mean a two hour drive each day or a train ride at around 7 am every day and me hanging around Longwarry every day until Nir finishes school. They have a pub there but seeing as I am not the pub hanging around type it would not be the ideal place to spend six and a half hours every day.
I could I guess go to Drouin to the library to write and research and study something but ideally I would like to be earning money rather than just hanging out in public buildings like the town library or the post office.
We are looking at two farm houses next week. One is simply gorgeous. Set in the hills of Tonimbuk on the road to Gembrook, it is a little house with both a wood stove and heater as well as the gas stove for cooking. I snuck up the road to have a look at it with Nir last Thursday after school was out. We took Mollie and Dougal the two King Charles Cocker Spaniels. The view from this place took simply took my breath away. I could feel pin prick tears starting below my eyelids. It is not a big place but it's set on the slope of a hill just a few metres from the road near the national forest. We will see inside next week on Thursday. With Hashem' help it may be our new home. Going back Nir screamed (not a rare occurance for those who know him know). I braked in fright and then I saw what had excited him. A herd of about 60 or 70 Roos all peacefully grazing in a paddock next to the road.  'hello, hello kangaroos. I love you!' yelled Nir. A few ears pricked up and some sat back on their tails as if to say, 'well, so you should! And what of it?' Then with a belly scratch or two they bent down and continued their eating. ' I love you.' he yelled. A few more times, then he sang to them. 'Moishiach, moishiach we want moishiach NOW!' This did elicit a more few mor pricked ears but sadly the grass and grazing took precedence over visions of Moishiach. When Moishiach does come, the Roos will hop over and say g'day Nir. How is going?' but for now they are silent munchers of vegetable matter.
We are I town for cricket and he has four weeks of a cricket clinic. Then I may have to find a sponsor for his. Cricket if he is in a team as it over $300 for the season. I have been trying to get work teaching without success. They prefer younger teachers under forty five. Stupid really but it isa question of economics. They do not want topayfor highly skilled teachers because they have to pay them more. I have decided to retrain in a profession that is sorely needed in country areas.  I should get some recognition of prior learning and experience. Nir has relaxed so much more in the country and his appetite is better, so I am glad we are living in a fresh and healthy environment. Just wish there were some more frum Yidden out here. But I do LOVE Melbourne too.

Monday, August 13, 2012

There is G-d's beauty in a sunrise...

My favourite time of the day is morning. We wake with 'Modai ani' on our lips, rinse the night from our hands and then wash the sleep from our eyes and a new world is created full of promise and hope.I saw through the window of the bedroom this.
The picture does not do it justice.It is living poetry. My son is sleeping soundly. So unlike where we were in the city when he would come crying to my room saying he cannot sleep on top of the abuse from the children at the school where he was at previously. I do not blame the children but their parents for their prejudices and assumptions. He was told that 'You have girlfriends'. (I did not understand what he meant until it was spelt out for me by a cocky year 6 boy and his friends in the school yard. Quite pathetic really using your child to spread lies about a person and say that they are a 'lesbian'. I am definitely not, but even if I was it would not be your business. After my stint at dealing with the secular parents at that school, I do understand what gay people go through and it makes me very glad I am not one. Their hatred of religious people is quite astounding though, and for people who say they are for gay rights and minority, it beggars belief that they could do what they did to me. I guess if you are religious and believe in G-D it is open slather. the thing is these people did not understand that I grew up in the country and I am very comfortable being by myself and I am a loner who does like people but I do have the emotional resources to be very self occupied. What they did was just hurt my son by isolating him by not allowing their children to play with him and encouraging them to hit him. When I queried my son as to why he thinks they may have hit him and kicked him in the groin, he said, "Mummy, they hit me because of you. They hate you because you are religious. They told me I was not a Jew and that you are not a Jew. They said you are mad and deluded thinking you are a Jew.'
So I told him, 'Honey these people are not rabbis. They are very ignorant secular or not religious Jews whose neshamas feel an enormous guilt that they are not practising Jews. They feel very bad that they do not follow their religion properly and so they take it out on us.' Then he told me that some of the kids hurting him were non Jews and thus I had to say that there are some Non Jews who know very little about Jews and Jewish belief and so they are afraid because they do not know much about Torah and Judaism only what they have heard from self hating secular Jews who hate the religious Jews and who feed lots of lies to the non Jews which many non Jews take up because they want to live corrupt lives free of the disciplines and morality of Torah and Torah values. Torah is for everyone and even non Jews have the seven noahide laws to follow and some of them do not even want to do that.
Hashem gives all people responsibilities but Jews and our Jewish nation he has chosen for a special role which involves a lot of responsibilities that many Jews let alone the other nations do not want to accept. If we want our connection with Hashem to be strong, we must follow Torah and live a committed and honest life with peace in our hearts and in the way we behave with others even if it is difficult. Even Mummy finds it very hard not to be nasty to be people who are very nasty to her, but we have to try.'
Unfortunately my son told two teachers about the incident with this boy Daniel who wacked him on the leg. They did nothing and did not even write an incident report. I was told that my son has an 'intellectual disability and his account is 'unreliable' because he is 'not very bright and unable to express himself'. I disagree about their assessment of my son's intellectual ability. I believe he is very bright. They just cannot deal with his hyperactive behaviour and if anything they need help in dealing with him. I think he is quite a bright kid who was very keen to learn until he was bullied out of the desire to learn because he was not in the 'norm' range and the worst thing I did was allow them to bully me into doing the ridiculous IQ testing instead of just taking him home and teaching him myself. I think people preconceive notions about others that control the way they think, act and speak about them. I do not blame Daniel, he is a very troubled young boy. What I do want is that his parents get him some help before he really hurts another child, worse than what he did to my son. I have only used his first name, but I do know who he is. I was told that I should just shut up and forget about this. I had played with the idea of writing an impact statement to his parents and begging them to get help for their child, but I was told that they would not listen.
I feel very sad that there is another Jewish child out there who is so very troubled and angry at the world and at members of his own faith that he would deliberately hurt another child, Jewish or not Jewish. I have to work with my son who is now furious at me that I did not go up and smack Daniel one in the playground of his school because he was teased and bullied repeatedly and told he was a non Jew and that his mother was a pig lesbian. He may have said 'big'lesbian. I certainly hope so. I may be big and fat, that part is correct, but I am not a lesbian. They also have feelings and even though I am not one, I feel a sense of pity for them. I was told not to write such a letter as that child's parents will sue me for defamation and it will achieve nothing. It is a sad day when a child who is hurt has to leave school to go to another school because of it. The child who does the hurting gets no consequences and learns that if he hurts another child it is ok. The victim is the one who is the 'criminal' and the bad guy. Maybe he has been hurt and wanted to hurt my child, who knows? I have to helpmy child deal with this sort of garbage and sort through the anger and the despair of another child. The greatest evil is done by those who watch evil happen and cover it up or stand by and do nothing.

So now what I am saying quite categorically the following:
1. I am not a lesbian
2. I do not watch any forms of pornography of any kind - I believe that sort of thing is quite sick and people who do watch it have something wrong somewhere in their lives. Something broken and I do literally thank G-D I have never desired to view such things
3. I am an Orthodox Jewess and underwent a conversion al pi Halacha according to Orthodox Jewish law in 1989. I have no shame about this. I am proud to be a Jew because Torah is about guidelines to a good and honest life. I try to live my life well and people can tell all the lies that they want about me, but I will not deviate from the way I live my life whether I live in a castle or a hovel. I am who I am.
4. I may have deviated from a Torah lifestyle at some time in my life and while this shames me, I have for the past just over nine years tried to do better. I will continue to work on myself and not be fazed by abuse from other people.
I can see G-D's design in a sunrise, the peace of the countryside and know who I am before G-D and that is enough. I try to deal honestly with others. We need to be true to ourselves and G-D and without truth, Torah and Tzedaka we are nothing but a speck in the universe. G-D is merciful and loves peace. Those who do not pursue peace in their dealings with others will never understand the connection between G-D and themselves.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

A Quiet Sunday and pooper scooper duty

Yesterday was quiet except for the chooks escaping and pooper scooper duty. Two dogs with properly functioning bowels makes for a lot of poop to collect and put into the sink hole that the owners of this house have constructed especially for that purpose. My son wanted to do it for me for pocket money but I declined his offer. He can do other less messy chores to earn pocket money.
The dubious pleasure of scooping up bits of dog turd will remain mine.
The chooks have now had their wings clipped. The two roosters were furious. They danced around the yard in rage for a few minutes after. Typical of some more primal male behaviour. The hens were distressed. However I did explain to them it would be far more distressing to be eaten by the fox that ate the chickens next door. They must have agreed and quietened down after a few seconds of frantic cackling. No so the red and black rooster. He wanted to fight me. I shut the yard gate in his face after quietly telling him he was outclassed and he should stick to bullying the hens and the little white rooster. The white rooster is sneaky. But I also have his measure. You can learna bit of psychology just by observing the animal world. We are not that far removed it seems.
School and job searching today. I have down loaded the whole tehillim and you can down load parsha as well. Life is looking good.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Why Julian Knight should not be freed and why Richter's attempt to free him is in bad taste

In 1987 I was a taxi driver. On Sunday 9th of August I was headed north up Hoddle Street and my fare and I heard some backfiring so we thought.
Suddenly a message come through on the Radio to steer clear of the north end of Hoddle Street because there was an incident happening and  out of nowhere there were sirens and a lot of police activity. 'Bugger' said my fare who lived in Clifton Hill. 'what are we going to do?'  'Wait.' I told her and turned the meter off. I think I may have ended up taking her to a friend of hers in another part of North Melbourne.
Later we learned of the victims. One of them I will never forget. A young mother of 23 Tracy Marie Skinner had her baby son on her lap when a bullet from Knight's rifle hit her and ended her life, leaving a little boy without his mother and his dad without his soulmate and wife.
I cannot believe that any sane person would want Julian Knight let loose on society. The man was known to be unbalanced even at school and how he got into the army and handled weapons is frightening. Some people QC Robert Richter are better left behind bars.
Does this man have anything at all to contribute to society?
After the damage he has done to seven families, please leave sleeping dogs lie. Let him do what he does best from behind bars.
I am for one, horrified and deeply ashamed that some one with the humanitarian concerns that Richter has should attempt to unlease this dangerous and malicious deviant on society again. If he kills again, the blood of the innocent will be on your head too, Richter. I hope you are aware of that fact.

Monday, August 6, 2012

What is Amalek?

Every day in our prayers we are asked to remember what Amalek did to us in the desert.  I have had in the last few days some very Amalek experiences. Today after some extremely abusive calls from my ex husband which left me nauseous and shaking with a combination of grief and absolute anger, I received a message from someone I have, even now, literally no ill feelings towards, a message of such malice it took my breath away with the absolute venom contained in it. It was on Facebook and after answering it, I defriended that person.
Social media is a positive tool of communication, but it seems some people see the need to use it negatively and to bully and rip down others. I was actually quite surprised at the pettiness and viciousness. However, I guess I should not be. After an attempt to make a peace with someone who wrote back some extremely abusive things,   I have decided war mongers and those who do not pursue peace or truth are to avoided. The latter person called me a liar as did my ex and said similar things about me being a sick pervert and wrote a range of extremely offensive, untrue things to me. Usually people accuse you of what they are guilty. Or they project their own faults and insecurities onto someone else.
My ex and the father of my son really takes the cake for lies and absolute venom. I was called a slut,  a really evil whore who stole from him and told that I had received money after my father's death and that he did not get any of it. Then, he informed me he had to get rid of me as his wife because all I thought about was money. Interestingly, this comes from a person who was a serial adulterer, a gambler, a drinker and a thief who tried to squeeze every ounce of money I had from me while I was supporting our child and who wanted me to commit perjury so he would not go to jail and defrauded me of a car and who forced me to pay the comprehensive insurance on this car. I probably lost out to the tune of $15,000 on the car when all was said and done, my credit rating ruined. The same person used to lift money from my purse without even paying me the courtesy of asking and now abuses me telling me that I have educated my son to hate non Jews. What a load of rubbish. I have kept these abusive messages. They will come in handy and serve to remind me why I have nothing to do with him.
Liars are always disgusting individuals but people who try to defraud and destroy others peace of mind are particularly so. This has been such a difficult few days, I feel sometimes I just want to lie down and die in my sleep. I just want peace but my work in this existence is not yet finished obviously. I really doubt ex would sit with son and help him with his homework, go over his work and help him with his schoolwork or pay for speech or OT. I have just paid about $120 for new shoes and there are a myriad of other expenses that are involved with kids and it has been extremely difficult few years since I was bullied in NSW. We have struggled my son and I. I wanted to tell him, "every penny of the money my father gave me went to my son's education or health or other expenses. I was unable to get work for while through no fault of my own." but I did not. A parent gives his or her heart to their children and the shirt off their back. That is the way I was brought up. We did not grow up in a home where drinking, gambling, womanising and lies were normal behaviours. I do not feel the rough lifestyle my ex leads and seems unable to change, is conducive to family life. Today just made me so glad he dumped me when I was four months pregnant. To hear the torrent of abuse and the viciousness in his voice made me thank G-D he is some other woman's problem. Probably the reason I was able to carry my son to full term was because I was not subjected to his moods and accusations day in and day out. Thank G-D That sort of person is no longer in my life and does a little boy really need that damaging crap in his life?
I know I don't. After I had a good cry, I thought to myself,  I need to look for the positive in this experience. Thank G-D I divorced him. Thank G-D he is not around wrecking our lives even more than he has.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Some of the Problems with a shule called Hamayan ... according to objectors at the council meeting on Thursday


I belong to two shules. One I am a member of and love dearly but don't get a chance to go to much anymore. The other shule I love dearly to and I go to every Shabbat. They are different but on several levels they have things in common. The kehilla or community are a) wonderful people  b) they have a great rav c) good atmosphere and above all ahavat israel or love of our fellow Jews. It is really important to have peace between Jews and with neighbours.

Hamayan I have belonged to for several years. I was with them from the Caulfield Hebrew congregation days when we davened (prayed) behind Caulfield shule in Inkerman Road.Then we were at 47 Kooyong Road and I remember the euphoria and excitement of having our own shule FINALLY. However Hashem had a few tests in hand for us to face. We had neighbours who did not like us and were and still are offended by our kehilla or community and its prayers.
It is kind of strange when you come to think about it. It is also highly illogical. Here is a community of maybe a hundred people on busy Shabbat days and we pray from the hours of sunset to an hour after at the most.
So, for example, Shabbat comes in at 5.15pm on a Friday our prayers are done by 6.30pm at the latest. Even when Shabbat comes in late, our kehilla likes to bring the Shabbat in early so we are usually finished by 8pm at the latest. The prayers of a morning are finished by 12.30 pm and we usually have a kiddush or did which finished by 1.30 pm at the latest. There were sometimes a few stragglers hanging around to clean up around 2pm on very rare occasions. This is on a Saturday morning.
The neighbours have been ropeable about the 'noise levels.' You also have to understand that there is no amplification of voices or booming loud speakers that we channel the prayers through with the tweeters and boomers directed at the back fences or side fences of our neighbours. We just must have loud voices or joyful ones that reach right up to heaven and to the neighbours at least. When they first complained we did bend over backwards to accommodate them. The children were not allowed to run around or to play in the back yard of the house in order to appease them and to lessen their discomfort. Once three boys, (including my son) escaped into the backyard and as I went out to get them the backyard neighbour was up on a stool on the other side of the fence snapping pictures of the children in the yard and screaming 'Now I have you.' I said nothing and ushered three rather startled and bemused children back into the room at the back where they were confined. The noice level was normal voices speaking and praying, not screaming or shouting.  The kehilla consists of a very civilised group of people. Yes there is singing, but it is in tune.  
One objector told the council we had a 'history' and were not to be trusted and that we were trying to use the premises as a catering hall or commercial enterprise and not a place of worship. Completely untrue.
One person was frightened her house price would fall if a shule existed next door. Actually in North Caulfield, probably the opposite is true. Being right next door to a shule would be a good selling point in the area.
It is sad that a group of people with a common feeling and aim to only worship G-D and create a G-Dly community can raise such ire in a few people.
It set me thinking about what I would consider really 'interesting neighbours.' Just imagine a bikie charter taking up residence in the house next door. Instead of a soft spoken and scholarly Rabbi, you have a 180 kilogram Bike leader complete with tattoos, smelly leathers, steel cap boots and ear studs all the way up his ears. He knocks on your door, a bike chain is casually linked over one shoulder, 'We're havin a bit of a  bang up tonight. You're invited.' then he rattles the chain menacingly. 'No complaints eh. Good chap.' then he slaps  yon neighbour on the back and departs. About 50 visiting bikies rock up on their Harleys and rev their engines before unloading slabs of beer. This is instead of Orthodox Jews who walk to shule on a shabbat or holy day anyway.  Instead of women with children, there are a cluster of women in leathers and short skirts, swearing and cursing, using colourful language, some of them are more than a little drunk and one or two vomit in the driveways of the ajoining properties. The party starts around 10 pm at night. Around Midnight there is some disagreement over alcohol or drug deals. Not really important except that about ten or twenty of the males start to get stuck into each other. There are gun shots and bike chains swinging. This is instead of a scholarly discussion of different viewpoints in a gemora. The women join in the fight because there is no mechitza and separation between men and women in this sort of community is unheard of. They apparently share and share alike, probably even the STD's but not their bikes of course.
The police arrive with sirens blaring at 1am when they are sure the fight is not too dangerous and has died down a bit.  At the arrival of the police around thirty bikes roar off. They arrest some members and some of the women for drunk and disorderly conduct.
This will happen every few nights. One of the bikers is enterprising and starts a meth lab to finance their club activities so the property does become used for a commercial enterprise which involves a lot of dubious traffic to and fro. And at all hours of the night. Also there is finally an explosion one day when something happens at the lab. Police arrive and the neighbours in the surrounding houses have had most of their windows shattered by the blast. Does insurance cover that sort of damage?
It would be interesting to see in such a scenario how many neighbours would front up to object to such residents being next door neighbours or would you just quietly try not to draw too much attention to yourself. You would not want them to know who made a complaint, if you did dare in such a scenario.
I am, for one, at a loss to understand why some of these people have objected so vehemently to people gathering together to worship G-D in a loving and wonderfully peaceful way. Is it the fact that we have a deeply satisfying spiritual connection and faith that somehow disturbs them? What is it?
Why don't people object to churches or Buddhist temples? Maybe they do and I just do not know about it? I know they often object to mosques but then there is the slight problem of the muezzin calling people to prayer quite loudly five times a day. We do not have that. We usually have publicised times and people make their way to shule without a wailing siren to get them up. If you go to most Jewish study houses at 6am in the morning you will see people studying together and discussing points from gemora or some other text. It is actually quite civilised and an intellectual pursuit. There is very little real noise as such.
Maybe kedusha attracts the klipa side of things. That is the nature of this world and we need to rise above it and transform hatred to love and anguish and pain to comfort and peace.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Seeking work is interesting and fun...despite the knockbacks!

Now we are settled in Longwarry for a few more weeks until we find another house which will be more permanent (with Hashem's help), I have been seeking some CRT work and hopefully will have some permanent type of employment and can finish my novel text which is outlined and ready to go to a second draft after another 75,000 words have been written. I set a limit of 80,000 on it and have allowed an outer limit of 100,000 words. If I cannot put it out in that word limit than I need to rethink the whole concept.  One can be too wordy and I do not want to write an Australia version of War and Peace although I would like to be able to do the Aussie version of Crime and Punishment one day.
I received an interesting knock back for casual teaching work on Friday from a Christian Independent School and here is an extract from their letter to me. I sent a similar CV and covering letter to most of the public schools I have approached for work. I did specify that my teaching disciplines were English, History and Humanities.

Dear Ilana,

Thank you for your email introducing yourself and for your CV which we received with your email.
It is a requirement that all Teaching Staff at XXXXX Christian School are able to deliver our curriculum from a Christian Worldview perspective. I note from reading your Application Form that you would not be able to take Christian Instruction classes and consequently, it would be unreasonable for us to ask you to teach from a Christian Worldview perspective.

Thank you for the time that you took to prepare and send your Resume and I wish you well as you explore other opportunities for CRT work.

Kind Regards

I laughed when I read this as I believe it is an example of the parochial viewpoint that is the antithesis of real education.

My reply to them will be somewhere along these lines.

Many thanks for your sensitive rejection of my application for Casual Relief Teaching. Your inability conceive of any other view point in the world but a 'Christian Worldview' confirms my original analysis of many Christian institutes of education as admirably parochial in their outlook. It was just such a provincial viewpoint which is so admirably espoused in your letter that led me to explore my genetic heritage and convert to Orthodox Judaism. Apart from a direct line to G-D, Jewish thinking and faith have had an active ongoing dialogue on many issues over the centuries which means that on all levels my faith is a living testament to contemporary times.
Also I would like to remind you that your 'messiah' was actually a practising Orthodox Jew whose teachings were those of Orthodox Judaism. These have, somehow, like some elements of Islam which also has its roots in Judaism, been perverted and misrepresented over the centuries by followers of your faith with unfortunate prejudice resulting for the Jewish nation.
I thank you for allowing me to see that my original impressions of the Christian educational philosophies are confirmed and my Jewish path in life was always the right one.
I will be more successful in my search for work in educational institutions that are less insular and have a broader world viewpoint and a more tolerant one towards the members of other faiths who happen to be teachers. Afterall I did apply to be a casual relief teacher and not a Christian religious studies teacher. I agree with you that I am highly unqualified for that role. My knowledge base relies purely on what you call the old Testament and what we call the Living Torah. Once I feel I have a good knowledge of Tanach and other Jewish holy books like the Tanya, I might find time to look at your religious book. However better people and scholars that I am,have spent their whole lifetimes on the study of our holy books, therefore I doubt I could even hope or desire to teach from a Christian worldview. I am too attached to the Jewish world view which allows and respects other world viewpoints to exist in their schools because we have no such insecurities about the basis of our faith or feel threatened by other world viewpoints apart from our own.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Emotional Incest - what is it?

I have just finished reading the 'look inside the book' on Amazon for The Emotional Incest syndrome What to do when a Parent's love rules your life. Great book and I do want to get it and read it.
A lot of our problems with relationships stem back to awkward or abnormalities in our family life and relationship or lack of relationship with parents.
We need to understand and resolve emotional difficulties with our parents and the relationship with them and our siblings before we can move on. Actually with siblings, unless they are on the same journey of self knowledge as yourself, it will be nigh on impossible. Siblings may stay so attached to their game plan and where you fit in is so comfortable for them and their world view, that they may not want to move on. They have type cast you as the 'bad sister or brother' and get so much emotional feedback from being the 'good and reliable' child of the family that they may not want to have any thing to do with you or change their world view. You see they have received so much positive feedback from a parent about themselves and negative feedback about you their sibling that to have to cross over into another reality would be psychologically so shattering as to be almost impossible for them to contemplate.
The book seems very worthwhile and the author is Dr Patricia Love. It is available from Amazon. Next on my list after I finish Howard Glasser's Transforming the Difficult Child.

Shabbat Shalom to all.
Just a quick thought for the day. Your words and speech are your thoughts and inner soul on display. Please do not clothe them in vulgar and shoddy clothes. C YA ALL!