Recently I had a rather nasty surprise. A friend of mine had some posts of mine given to her by some people purporting to be my friends and 'concerned about me' and what I post on this blog. The fact that they had printed out great numbers of my posts was not what bothered me. If I put it on the net and discuss or debate issues, I am not ashamed of people reading it. They also said to her, 'See, this is the sort of person you are friends with.' That shows 'great love for me, NOT.' Already the connotation is negative and is a comment made by someone trying to denigrate not to be supportive or friendly. I have many friends who I may not necessarily agree with their views on everything and would I want to agree with everything my friends said or did? No, because if I wanted them to act exactly as I wanted, that means I rob them of their individuality and purpose in life which may be very different from my path or direction in life. See, I believe everyone is here for a purpose and it is to do good. My intentions are simply to discuss and debate what I consider are important social concerns in society and sometimes these are personal opinions and views and other times not so personal but general concerns. You the reader are always allowed to disagree with me. I used to love playing devil's advocate in my English classroom because how do students learn best? They learn by being inspired and moved to debate passionately, whether it is oral communication or through written communication and they learn to think. Not only do they learn to think deeply, but they learn to differentiate between fact and opinion and to understand consequences. There is so much emotive writing out there and people are openly manipulated and brainwashed into certain situations and to support certain causes these days. The same sex marriage debate is an ongoing example, of such brain washing and manipulation. We are led to believe that not to support same sex marriage is akin to 'abuse of gays and lesbians.' Well. I for one do not buy into that argument and will not. There are other people out there who also believe as I do and they keep very quiet because of the torrent of abuse that they will be subjected to if they dare speak out.
By the same token, I would not and do not support or advocate job discrimination, gender discrimination or any form of abuse of a homosexual person. They are people with feelings just like you and I, but I do not agree with their choice of life style. Simple. They want marriage rites, they need to live a lifestyle that is conducive to being a participant in that. If I was very jealous of all the Muslims having fun at the Hajji and circling the Black Rock in Saudi Arabia, I would have to take steps to become a Muslim. I am not, but that is an example. If I wanted to sacrifice to Buddha I have to become a Buddhist. Understood.
Now what shocked me, was not that this person or persons was obsessive enough to go and print out my posts on the Internet and give it to a close friend in an effort to denigrate or put me down in her eyes and the eyes of her family. It was actually quite flattering that I have moved a person enough to do such a thing.
What shocked me was that among those papers was a letter I wrote a few weeks ago to my son's teacher. It was on a word document on my laptop. It was not published in any shape or form what so ever by me on the Internet. I was actually very angry because for that to be given to a friend of mine is a gross invasion of my privacy and the privacy of my son. Some strange things have happened lately like the disappearance of my son's report card. I had to get a copy of the report. It was a photocopy. To be honest, in these days of Internet and wi fi technology it is possible probably to access my word files and I do know now that everything I do, my every key strokes on this laptop computer could be recorded by some individual who I see as rather obsessive and frankly dangerous. That really does not bother me, because I do have nothing to hide. However it is my privacy that has been invaded and that bothers me.
I can write on another computer with no access whatsoever to the Internet if I want to keep my affairs private and will probably do so now especially if I want to write some short stories and poems in the new goyishe year or write any more personal letters to a teacher of my son's concerning either his academic progress or other issues at school. For the person who did either put this on the net or maybe they have hacked my computer, it is sort of like living with some one's nose up your backside. It is actually quite disgusting.
I received some very freaky letters from a woman who I was previously friendly with, in June and July of this year. She accused me of being a pedophile, having mental problems, being a pervert and other quite crazy things. I did a radio show with this woman and I was actually shocked by the troppo nature of what she wrote to me and then accused me of being the ranter and the raver. At first I tried to defend myself and then could not waste time on it as I was dealing with some extremely frightening and upsetting personal issues.
Hashem gives us all trials for a reason. I know I am not a pedophile and have never been one, nor do I access pornography on the Internet or otherwise. I find even the idea of that sort of thing, extremely distasteful. Nor am I Satan in disguise. Although to some of my biological family I am, but that is simply anti semitism of the worst kind. That is them and not me. Yes, there are reasons why I have not been working which are rather complex and to be honest, I am trying to get into paid work and have been for many years. I am not lazy. I have studied Professional Writing and Editing and am doing another course - a Cert IV in TAE because I want paid work where I can utilise my skills.
This brings me back to an incident which happened many many years ago, where these two sisters abused me because they objected to me being Jewish around the time I finished my conversion, they objected to the fact that I was doing a degree in Secondary Teaching and were horrified that 'a disgusting person such as you' should not have been accepted into a course for teachers and in other words as I was told by the older of the sisters, 'you are better off dead. The way you treat your family and what you did.'
They obviously only knew part of the story and how they knew that I will never know. Maybe my mother rang one day and talked to one of them, who knows. But I know who I am and I do know that the image created about me among members of my biological family which is totally totally negative, serves only to reinforce their disgusting behaviour towards me. I understand why this is so. I went to therapy and understood that often in some families a person is picked to bear the brunt of the dysfunctional of the other family members. They become right in their eyes and the eyes of those they are close to by deriding and isolating another member of the family. Everything that person does is seen in a negative light or other connotations are put on it to the extent that a person's life is deliberately destroyed or prevented from flourishing in order to protect themselves from any scrutiny. They decoy and blame all the ills of a family on one member in order to make themselves right.
What horrifies me is that this person somehow has gained access to personal computer files and feels that they have a right to stick their noses into my life and indeed to set about destroying my life because that is what it is. If they really felt 'so concerned about me and my son' they would have approached me directly and spoken to me in person rather than go behind my back to friends and attempt to destroy my friendships of a long standing nature. That tells me immediately that something is very very wrong. That is sick behaviour. I do not attempt to destroy relationships between people and never have. People do make their own judgements on the character of a person, but to tell lies about someone and go around telling people that I am pedophile, a pornographer and other wacko statements, that is sick and someone out there must hate me a hell of a lot. That is their problem to deal with and if they continue to try and access my personal life, one day they are going to overstep the mark and they will find themselves in real trouble.
I have done nothing wrong and I am definitely not one of the above. I have been called a bigot and other terms by people who I believe have something to hide. They have the agenda, not me. I live my life as simply and honestly as I can despite the restrictions of not being employed at present. I do not intend to allow these sorts of people to spoil my life or that of my son's by their devious and horrid manipulations of others lives.