Last Thursday night, I saw the most depressing movie. It was a movie about egos. Narcissists whose selfish desires for self gratification and justifications for their selfish actions were totally out of control in every direction. Usually they make movies about people who inspire others or who have overcome great adversity and who show the greatness of human spirit that we all aspire to emulate. Usually they make movies that tell a story. This movie was morbid and frightening in its lack of empathy. I don’t recommend seeing it, unless you want to be thoroughly shocked and depressed by its sense of alienation from the human spirit. Simply awful. The violence was subtle and understated, but a common thread that bound the movie together into a huge ball of egos which formed a planet headed on a collision force with planet earth and that finally hit and destroyed the earth’s life.
It is movies like this that should never be made and should never have money, time and effort wasted on them. The name of the movie is Melancholia and that was the name of the planet that is about to collide with the earth. Obviously the people who made the movie were wasted on Prozac or Zoloft and they then thought the state of mind of the characters portrayed was a normal condition. I assure you, it is not.
Tied to this thought, I want to discuss heart ache. We all feel some level of heart ache throughout our lives. It is normal and healthy. We grow through our pains as much as our joys in life. Heartache often binds us to reality and it makes us strive to try harder in many directions. We strive to cover our disappointments with achievements in a variety of fields. The disappointments may be in ourselves, our family, our friends and our associates at work or socially.
Our joys are the high points, the pivotal moments in our existence. They are brief moments in times when we conquer ourselves and the world around us for the better. It is when we do not see heart ache for what it really is and get too caught up in it and wallow, instead of learning from it that we run into trouble. G-D sets us tests of faith and endurance in our life. It is sort of like running a marathon and not knowing where the finish line is but enjoying the run and pacing ourselves to finish rather than to win. We do our best and only our best. We cannot compare ourselves to others who have different goals or different abilities and talents.
We must look up to the stars and see ourselves reflected in the light. Then we must look down at the ground and understand where we are and where we need to go. Many times the night is dark and we have no guide in it all except G-D. Those we think are friends – they are not friends but merely wolves with a taste for blood, circling us looking for a weak point to spring in and rip at our jugular to bring us down and drink our life blood and go on invigorated by the kill. I had a person who I thought was a friend for just under forty years. Then there is family who you think by accident of birth are friendly and that they may be kindly disposed towards you and they are not. You are the scapegoat, the focal point of malaise in your family and nothing you do will ever be right. You will be criticised for each action, word or thought you have. You are what is wrong with the family and only through criticism of you, will the other members of your family feel right because you bear the burden of their guilt, their uncertainties and their failures in life. To escape this negativity you may have to cut off all contact and even for that you will be criticised, so you can’t win.
If you have contact, you will be negated and brow beaten at every turn and made to feel that your very existence is a bane, a blight on the lives of other family members and if there is one family member who is kindly disposed towards you, he or she will be attacked as well because of guilt by association. If you don’t have contact, you will again be attacked as the problem. So you do not know what to do. On one hand you desire family and want closeness with family but when you do have family contact, your senses feel invaded by the negative projections and the power they have to inflict hurt on you and those you love like your children. All the negativity will be reflected onto them.
Usually you form friendships that are long lasting and from which you get a much more positive self reflection instead of bad, bad, bad and more bad that you receive from your family. This is called dysfunctional families. Healthy families have close contact with all members and while there are personality clashes, it is smoothed over and life goes on.